ECK declines Livondo's direct nomination

From: Lagat Joseph

The ECK last evening declined to accept Mr. Stanley Livondo's Direct
Nomination for Lang'ata Constituency by PNU after he failed to pass the
Language Proficiency Test given by ECK last week.

The flamboyant rookie politician who only a month ago was arrested on murder suspicions after the fatal shooting of a youth during a public meeting he had attended in Western Kenya is said to have dropped out of school at Standard Six and can hardly construct an English or Kiswahili sentence let alone pronounce words like "Categorically" and Ashamedly".

Unknown to Livondo , Kenya 's electoral rules require that Parliamentary
candidates pass Oral & Written Language Proficiency Test.

Earlier today thousands of PNU supporters from Central Kenya were reportedly disenfranchised after the ECK declared that 20,000 newly registered voters in Lang'ata had committed electoral fraud by double registering.

"I Sdanley Lifondo teclare here totay my inderest in te seat for te memper of barliamend for Kibera. I plech to remufu one Raila Otinga from his currendi stanting as MB in tis gonstichuensy."

Members of the Press had to remind Mr. Livondo that the constituency is
called Langata, and not Kibera. More reports filtering in indicate that Stanley Livondo attempted to have the ECK approve his candidature on the strength of marks he scored in an English Composition that he wrote while in standard six at Bukhungu Tay & Poarding Primary School .

Mr. Livondo is set to hold a press conference later today at Inzogu Bar &
Restaurant where it is rumoured that he will use the opportunity to showcase his Standard Six Composition and accuse his main opponent of "Priping" the ECK even as he moves to "tuck" the "ECK Pullet".